the gapanese invasion is nigh!

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Thursday, August 23, 2007

afraid no more

John Powell's Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am discusses the means to become the best that I can be. Being human, I have the capacity to grow with myself and with others. Nonetheless, this is not easy. Perhaps my personal best is not acceptable to others. Perhaps, this is not acceptable even to myself. Hence, the inconvenience appears. I become uncomfortable to tell people the real me. I become distracted from developing my personal best. Thankfully, the book says something that can be done regarding this. It says that I can cope up with this inconvenience, only when I am more accepting of myself.
The book is especially meaningful for touching on the reasons why I mask myself from others. I have insecurities that once the real me gets discovered, people will turn away from me. If people find fault in me emotionally, politically, spiritually, even perhaps physically, they will run the opposite direction. This is what I fear: that I will be left alone. I do not want to lead a lonely life. I want to belong, just like any normal being. Hence, I should work out to keep these people near me. This means acting, behaving and being the person that pleases them. Nonetheless, in performing this, there is no assurance that I will not sacrifice a part of who I really am. This conflict is answered by the book. This means not having to lose myself, but accepting myself, imperfections and all. I need to be convenient in my very own skin. If I pretend to be perfect, all the more that I will tend to lose others. This is because I myself do not accept the imperfect me, hence the mask. If I take off the mask and show my imperfection, others will see that I have nothing to hide. Others will see that we are all the same in imperfections. WE will all together realize that we are all working to come close to the perfection that God created us to pursue.
The insight of descriptive catalog of games and roles is important because of self-identification. As a person, I agree that I try to be my best, but somehow fall short. Hence, my weakness characterizes me. This weakness is that which makes me shift my eyes away from other people, at least sometimes. I have this fright that I will not be dealt with carefully. I do not want to be judged against for something that I actually am. I secretly envy many public personalities who have the charisma that attracts people. I wish to be like them, perhaps to be them. Here the problem lies. Because of the imperfect me, I aspire to be somebody else. Aspiring to be somebody is actually being unable to accept my present character. It is like giving up on myself. It is not unlike giving up my capacity for growth and development. I want to play somebody else’s game and to assume someone else’s role without thought for enriching the game and role I identify myself with. It does not even occur to me, until this insight descended upon me, that others may be secretly envying to be like me or to be me too. It is such a lonely business to be wishing to be somebody else whereas there is my own self to be convenient with.
This insight will help me as a student, in my personal life and in future profession by way of enriching my self-concept. No growth and development will happen if I panic over other people’s perception of me. I better anticipate my improvement when I learn to accept the weaknesses characterizing me. I am weak because I do not know everything in class. Nonetheless, that should not prevent me from trying. With persistence, I have learned to know Accounting, which used to be so hard before for me. I did not pretend to know it, so others were helpful in teaching it to me. I did not have to be afraid accepting my weakness on this subject. Like the fear for the Lord, it was the beginning of wisdom. In the same way, I am weak because I cannot be the perfect friend for everybody. Nonetheless, that should not prevent me from pursuing perfection. Since my circle of friends has its own strengths and weaknesses, we can draw so much from each other in the pursuit of this perfection. Lastly, I can be probably weak in my future as a professional. Even the best workers admit to being imperfect. Nonetheless, that should not prevent me from working less for my desired goals. Instead of being a distraction, my weakness should be an inspiration to work hard to achieve my objectives. Accepting my professional mistakes can be a way to caution further mistakes.
I can be what I want to be beginning today. I will have to leave behind my desire to be somebody else just to be accepted. I will have no fright in showing the real me whether in school, home, or such places I have to deal with various persons. I will have no fear.

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