Saturday, April 15, 2006
i had to rise earlier than usual because my straight best friend arnel and i needed to have our blood tested at the hospital. it might occur to you that i must have been praying all night long, bargaining with god not to infest me with the as-yet incurable human immunodeficiency virus. while i admit to being wakened up at the smallest hour of the night, it was more because i had to deplete the urine supply raring to wet the sofa i slept in than because i was having it one day too late to flagellate my conscience with guilt-trippings like "you should have accustomed yourself to eating candies with plastic cover on, you idiot!" if i did test positive on carrying the seeds of contemporary plague, well, i initially have to have courage in accepting the consequence for my irresponsible sex life. what possibly comes next--the social stigma, the fright and all that jazz--krystala has to deal with that sooner or later.
the last couple of years preoccupied me with the consideration of practicing safe sex since i cannot bring myself to go exclusive or to abstain altogether. however, the fallible human that i am always gets bedeviled by reckless youth, ultra-raging libido and, well, blazing hot gay guys. i know, i know: it only takes that transparent colored rubber to spare me a lifetime of throwing ashes in the air, but my cock has a mind of its own and my hedonism is guided by the principle "eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you shall die." there's no problem having to die early and in a disease that the world currently fears; all i need is optimized time to do what i want, say teaching and writing, and i can die and be sent off to the point of no return to the tune of moony's flying away, any mix.
and i did what i've done, and now that i tested negative, the sigh of relief is enough to give me a fatal heart attack. it did not matter that my childhood friend melanie, arnel's present girlfriend (i was the bridge--let me discuss that soon), did not hit my left arm's vein precisely that it became necessary for her to prick yet another needle in my other arm. weird things hovered in my head, meanwhile: what if the inches-long needle breaks and half of it becomes embedded in my blood vessel? what if instead of squirted blood, swallowed seminal fluid of the cute guys i have had intimacy with gets siphoned off by the vacutainer? what if i fall unconscious after petrifying? so there at the laboratory we waited for the verdict, smiling uneasily and watching melanie's colleagues munching on the morning doughnuts we brought along.
alas, arnel and i got cleared for hepatitis and hiv, among other things.i had the instinct of telling the good news to my close friends and friends with benefits. all of them were happy like me about the results, happier perhaps if they have had one or more physical contacts with me and not be infected in the process. texts like "fucking time continues!" and "go for clean fun and have more love" warmed my heart, but one wacky message brought the house down. it said, "so, you are not with child, eh?" to which i replied, "what, immaculate conception?" the guy laughed, saying, "just conception: neither of us is immaculate." too bad if i did conceive: who is the father? well, it's linggo ng pagkabuhay in advance for me, and since i'm not immaculate, i will have to join the easter egg hunt full of frenzy, pun intended.