Tuesday, September 12, 2006
my cute boylet and i agreed to meet at sm north edsa to watch a movie. falling two days short of catching hugh jackman's new movie "scoop" and eight days short of screening the last of the pinoy go-go dancer trilogy, "twilight dancer," we settled for what we decided was the most boring movie at the tills: "snakes on a plane." now i believe some eyebrows have turned orbiting so fast that a new planet will soon replace the disenfranchised pluto--boring movie means less people and, therefore, lots of opportunity to explore the dark world of theater. this is the macrocosmic version of the marc and caleb's dvd episode in alan brocka's "eating out."
since i only had two hours of sleep after rushing a paper on same-sex adoption, i naturally fell asleep and woke up in at the climax of no, not my boylet, but of the movie, when all the snakes are on the loose, hissing furiously at the panicking passengers. having come, hmm, straight, hmmm, out, hmmmm, of dreamland, i thought i was just imagining a latin american marvelous realist movie gone on video, but the film was actually showing the fun part of passengers getting bitten all over by drugged serpents. i wanted to sleep more, so i asked my boylet to wake me up just when all the people on board were already foaming at the mouth as a result of the fang-injected venom.
the chuckling just won't subside so i took a peek with one eye and noticed how funny the writer must be trying, for not only is the movie incredibly out of south american la maravelloso real, but also peppered with metafiction after seeing allusions of reese witherspoon's "legally blonde" character, titanic wild crowd scenes, even the plummeting plane scene in "superman returns," in which case i almost expected bodyfitted brandon routh to appear in his red cape to save the snake-infested aircraft from sinking onto the sea. when the gargantuan anaconda slithered on top of a glass ceiling, i waited for divine j.lo to come out of nowhere to join the extraordinarily huge constrictor. "why are there snakes all so suddenly?" i asked in disbelief. i didn't have to wait for credits to roll to confirm if the writer was a latino/a attempting at hilarity, because the film was entirely ridiculous, samuel jackson's character mouthed something irate moviegoers will have concession to: "i have had enough of these motherfucking snakes on these motherfucking plane!"
now don't interrogate me as to whose snake i paid greater attention to throughout the movie.