bottle of the brainless

Upon telling Solomon, your Nigerian acquaintance, of your plan to jog backwards around the University by daybreak, you were signaled by the President to hop in his vehicle so you, Tina, Kuya Bryan and Karlo might visit the Colleges of Agriculture and Fisheries ahead of other student officials. You wish you were seated beside Karlo, who was flanked by Tina and Kuya Bryan at the already occupied back seats, but since you could not defy the spatial law of Physics, you took the single available seat next to the President’s. You did not know where you were particularly headed, yet with the Lantern King around, you might ludicrously pass menacing Pulong Diablo for a paradise.
You reached the Food Bowl in which squashes, among other vegetables, were growing. The President told you in an indecent analogy, “Sex is not limited to humans alone, plants as well may engage in it for reproduction, with significant help from agents,” and picked a “male” squash flower, the pointed stigma of which he inserted into a “female” one’s sunk stigma. Challenging censorship, the rest of you followed the President’s pollination act through making flowers “perform sex.” Karlo jokingly warned you not to wander away among the thick vines, lest you might tearfully journey all by your lonesome to Fisheries when the ride would speed there minus one passenger that’s you.
Rejoining your companions, you tumbled along your path a Coke bottle with whoa, a genie inside! By impulse, you freed the little prisoner who in turn offered you gratuity in the form of three wishes. You longed to see no, not Prince Charming, but King Charming because the latter is probably cuter. “Bring me a King!” and your servant furnished your first wish: Karlo appeared in front of you. You appealed, “I intend to see a king in royal suits!” and the genie made Karlo reappear in that silk long sleeves and scarlet cloak he wore during the Lantern King quest. Uh-oh, you were growing furious with the genie’s incapacity to pick up right, but, hopeful as yet to see a blueblood colleague of the King of Spain and the Queen of England, you went on to spend your one final wish, which the rather literal genie fulfilled by adorning the nobly dressed-up Karlo his Lantern King sash, trophy and year-long title.
You were impressed to witness the Lantern King materialize right in your face, but your chances of seeing a true-blue King having been spoiled, you felt like smashing pumpkins against your genie’s empty coconut shell.