manila's most beautiful is a populist vigilante oppositionist

Labor day did not see me joining skilled workers’ rallies demanding for a change in the Philippine occupational landscape, but I did perform some reckoning of the social justice system by investigating the area where my phone thief supposedly works. Initiating my own fact-finding to entrap a criminal may appeal to anybody as vigilantism, but in a culture of oppression such as ours, it is highly likely that the victim that I am will be ironically accused of instigating the very offense I am complaining about. Consider this conversation with inept authorities: “bakit ka kasi tumitira sa lugar na maraming magnanakaw?” retort: hindi parang inilantad ko ang sarili ko para pagnakawan nila. Ginusto kong tumira roon pero hindi para manakawan. "kasalanan mo na manakawan ka.” retort: kasalanan ninyo dahil hindi ninyo ginagawa ang trabaho ninyong protektahan kami mula sa kriminal na gawain ng iba. Hindi singkitid ng utak mo ang utak ko para akuin ang kasalanang ginawa sa akin. End of argument. Better to steer away from certain kotong-fueled workers than to be robbed twice.
Satisfied with my personal inquiry, I went to see partyphile in trinoma where we had a chance encunter with the gorgeous united opposition spokesperson adel tamano jr. my usually eloquent self surprisingly turned to speaking in tongues upon meeting him face to face. That made me feel like cartwheeling all the way to up-diliman where partyphile urged me to tour him in. we visited the barbecue station behind the law center where the elitistas mouthing coñotic statements like “manang, tatlong chicken entrails, please,” “I wanna eat, like, buchi kaya,” or “(foreign accent) ten pong isaw ng pig” were miraculously absent. Nor was any colegiala present in the sago gulaman station to ask miss if “distilled ba ang water [ng gulaman] n’yo?” Happy with partyphile’s longsilog treat at Rodic’s where he had turned a service crew into a sex object, I accompanied him at boyswatching amid sudden rainfall. Too bad that juday and gretchen did not apply pantene on their hair “para wala nang takot mabasa ang buhok” or the topless biking boys of the campus would know the reason for the moniker “manila’s most beautiful.”