Saturday, March 18, 2006
this is littlegapanese (b)logging in. not many of you have been told the reason for such a quaint name, so let us throw an acquaintance party with me as the shameless center of attraction, if only for a trifling moment. little gapanese has been my pseudonym right after joining the university of man, specifically when i started harboring a crush on the cute, recently crowned campus king at the agricultural university i first taught in. on a side note, the guy's heterosexual, and much as i was yet enlightened, the furtive gay-to-straight passion was a disaster waiting to unravel. he was the original little gapanese. the campus king four years before him was the first person i called gapanese, although this straight batchmate--manly physique and all--never turned into my object of desire. it was another straight, equally hunky batchmate that became the pitiful first love of my achy-breaky heart. now what's the point of this rambling introduction? all three straight guys hail from gapan, the southernmost town-city of nueva ecija. should any of you want to discover whether or not the guys from nueva ecija south (also check jaen, san isidro, penaranda, cabiao, cabanatuan, santa rosa, general tinio, san leonardo, san antonio) are indeed sizzling hot, book a bus ticket; the ride takes no more than three hours barring atrocious bulacan traffic. returning to the moniker, i found it fitting, dare i say post-colonial, to use little gapanese as a representation of my own self. most of my life i lived in that palay-rich province in the colorful central luzon plains, so it was high time i link my identity with my native land (can't claim it for my land of birth, since it was in neighboring tarlac province, my mother's native land, where i first saw light). it was the working of the literary person in me that i played on the word "japanese" and substituted "j" with "g"--a pun, if one insists on not having to consult the dictionary. the precedent "little" generates some kind of controversy. some believe it was my 5'5" height (that's relative, baby; although i admit i want 5'8"-up boylets to pamper this little gapanese) while others scandalously allude to a diminutive part of my body. sorry, "little" is a word i associate with endearment, as when poet robert browning has his darling elizabeth for his "little portuguese." a few gay guys have earned my corny adoration the second they referred to me as their little gapanese, but it's not just them who may attest that the anatomical smallness is but a conveniently false notion.
so the inevitable day when i have to create my e-journal has come. yes, i do maintain a blog at friendster, but i use it to post in the lousy products of my epileptic fits, i.e. literary works, mostly in english. before some nativists start honing their verbal knives to splice up my colonial trappings, i am a legitimate english major, and i write in a language i am comfortable with (besides, uncles, i am reared in philippine english, so you can't hear me frothing at the mouth in american-iloko-hiligaynon accent and grammar). i also keep a manual diary, but i am exhausting the modern resource that is internet in order to save others the difficulty of having to master hieroglyphics should they accidentally chance upon my journal notes. i agree that even this modernity cannot be fully relied upon, even catastrophic when i remember the few instances my web account was hacked and my profile was maliciously advertised in sex gaysites (like, "this sexpert's looking for a quick fix," for crying out loud; hindi ba sapat ang ganda ko bilang puhunan?), yet i still leap in the void of cyberspace, hoping my faith was worth it, after all.